I can't stop crying and I'm not sending out christmas cards

Today is exactly one week since the Good Guys sank.

We just got a phone call stating the coroner has been called to the beach to recover a body.

They confirmed it is definitely either my Father in Law or his friend, but won't say which.

Both families are devastated.

I keep praying they find both of them, so our families can at least have some closure.

Half my prayer has been answered. I just wish I knew right now which half.

I feel guilty that I hope it's my Father in Law.

I have spent so much time this past week being strong for my Mother in Law, I haven't had

any time to process my grief. I spend a couple days with her and try my best to be a comfort to
her. As soon as I leave, I fall apart. I drove home again crying all the way.

This time the tears keep coming in waves, washing over me.

The big lump in my throat hurts when I try to hold the tears back.

I want to stand alone in the forest where no one can hear me and just scream as loud as I can until I get the emotions out.

My husband doesn't understand. He is irritated and short with me. I want to tell him to suck it, but instead came up here to write this and get it off my chest.

Everyone deals with grief differently. I am a take charge kind of gal when I need to be, and when I feel safe and am alone, I let my sadness out.


I am tired, physically and emotionally, so I will not continue the topic of my husband's demeanor towards me.

I'm just sad, and exhausted and wish somebody would offer to hug me for a change.

I'll update you all more when we get word who it is was found today.

It's also the 11th, and I usually have my christmas cards mailed early. I thought about it today, and I don't feel like sending any this year.

I am not feeling very "christmasy". I don't feel like wasting time signing my name to an impersonal card, nor do I possess the strength to say how I really feel this year. I hope that those that love me will understand why their pile of cards is just a little smaller this year.

1 comments:

Housewife said...

Ouch.

That's a pain that won't go away quickly.

It's hard to keep your marriage strong when stuff like this happens. My mantra is always, "remember we're on the same team." It's easy to forget and get left with nothing.

This sucks, life isn't fair and right now it's not fun. I don't think anyone in the world would miss a card from you this year. I'm sure they'll understand.

Sending you love, prayers and hugs.

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